hullcrushdepth

hullcrushdepth has moved

2011-04-11T14:27:00.000+10:00

This blog, its lack of updates and my lack of motivation were getting me down.

So I made a new one.

http://hullcrushdepth.wordpress.com/

Update yer bookmarks!

But...

2011-02-14T16:01:00.000+11:00

I'm calling to see if you've received a fax.
What is your name?
Theo.
When did you send it?
Just a moment ago.
What number did you sent it to?
9292 9292
That's the correct number. It hasn't arrived yet. If you just sent it a moment ago give it 10 minutes then call us back to check again.
I'm just a bit worried about it because it has my credit card details on it.
You definitely sent it to the right number?
Yes.
Then you don't have anything to worry about.
But it's got my credit card details on it.
Well it will either come through to us or it won't.
But it's got my credit card details on it.

Bootleg Bloggers

2011-01-19T10:45:00.000+11:00

I've got to hand it to Fan Made Recordings. For every gig I attend in Melbourne there's a very good chance that they're recording the show and it'll appear on their blog at some point within the next week. And I like the chance to listen again. I close my eyes and press my ear buds tightly into my ears and it's almost like I'm back in the sweating, seething mass of the show rather than the sweating, seething mass of the number nineteen tram at 8am on a Monday morning.

Last Wednesday and Thursday night saw The Tote host US garage psych destroyers Thee Oh Sees and sure enough, FMR already have both shows up, with support bands (Super Wild Horses and Boomgates were my pick of the bunch).

Thee Oh Sees - Enemy Destructs

2010 saw the site offer some fantastic sets by The Fall, Eddy Current Suppression Ring, My Disco, Pivot, and the amazing 10 drummer Boredoms set at The Forum (even if it doesn't quite translate as well into a live recording)

There are a bunch of other Australian blogs bootlegging local and international touring artists; Turn it up!!, Sydney Tapes and Sky Hut are also stand outs, and between them they've archived hundreds of live recordings. These people aren't just bootleggers, they're musical historians. Bravo!

high into the air

2010-11-25T16:27:00.000+11:00

Woke up with a sore neck. A pinched nerve. Had a pretty restless sleep. The Age reports that last night was the worst night of the year so far for hay fever sufferers in Melbourne. 200 ambulance call outs for hay fever sufferers! Hah! I've been suffering it for about a month and a half now, to varying degrees. It plus a cold instigated a sinus infection that's never quite gotten better. The second round of anti-biotics are keeping it at bay, but it's still there, lurking most of the day, attacking mostly at night, leaving me with an assortment of crusty and slimey boogers to expel in the humidity of a shower come morning.

I had a restless sleep and was reminded this morning of waking up in the night yelling about someone cutting my leg. I kind of remember, someone was hacking it off mid shin, diagonally, with a machete. I can't complain much about my dreams though, they're usually pretty decent. In the last year or so I've improved my ability to fly. It used to be something that would happen accidentally, and I'd fly around for a bit and drop back to earth and lose my powers. I'm a bit of a flying master now, can do it at will and don't often lose the ability. The main problem is actually getting too high into the air, not being able to fully control how high I'm going, up to atmospheric levels and getting dizzy.

My pinched nerve has gotten worse throughout the day and I'm sitting here with a hunched over posture (more so than usual, and unable to correct myself) and aching shoulders as well, like I'd been lifting heavy boxes up and down stairs all yesterday, except I hadn't. How did this happen in my sleep? I've experienced waking up with pinched nerves in my neck before, never aching shoulders and upper arms. My neck posture pillow is supposed to prevent this shit from happening.

I'm quite happy though, that I've found an iphone app that is able to broadcast the cricket by streaming it online. I envisage summer afternoons sitting in beer gardens, sunshine and happiness and good times with friends and me, sitting there with my iphone on the table, streaming the fucking cricket.

This arrived in the work mail. Thanks Brent! I don't know why it has decided to orientate itself vertically here. It's horizontal on my computer. I've had this problem before and eventually fixed it, I can't be arsed to do that this time. Heirs new album would undoubtedly be in my top 10 for the year, if I was egotistical enough to actually make a list. Go listen to them. I've seen to term "darkwave" thrown about to describe their sound and it's a fitting enough description. Love the artwork too. They're playing the East Brunswick Club on Saturday 11th Dec.

Sack of Nintendos

2010-07-31T17:44:00.000+10:00

After 17 hours sleep last afternoon/night I was feeling pretty good this morning, so I decided to take a stroll in the midday sun. Walking down Smith Street, I had the intention of going to Woolworths to buy some ingredients to make mulled wine but ended up in Cash Converters then the Lost and Found Market. Lost and Found is fantastic. They have a couple of levels of all sorts of shit; vintage clothing, books, furniture, toys, old hifi equipment, art, crockery, vinyl, ect etc. Quality, hand picked junk. I always go into these sorts of stores, pawn shops and op shops secretly hoping to find a hidden treasure chest of retro video games at a bargain price.

(I stole this image from their website, I assure you this is not a paid promotion)

Back in the early 00s when I was living in Brisbane there was a Lifeline used furniture store just up the road that was an endless gold mine for that sort of stuff. In the space of a couple of years I acquired about a dozen NESs, SNESs, Mega Drives (+ a Mega CD) and Master Systems and countless games from that place. Everything is currently stored at my folks' house in Bundaberg and I intended to retrieve it one day.

In the past couple of years my compulsion to hoard old video games has reared its sexy head once more. Hell, I commonly dream about it. I recently had a dream where I found a back corner of David Jones that had about 20 limited edition transparent red Mega Drives (this did not actually exist) with Mega CD attachments all for $2 each. Problem is that dreams are not real and in pawn shops old games are a bit too pricey to bother with. I enjoy the hunt for a bargain.

So at Lost and Found I come across a glass cabinet and on the bottom shelf is a tumble weed of a tangle of cables with a few NESs and games amongst the the seething mass of leads. I ask a lady how much the stuff is, intending to maybe buying one NES if it is the right price.

"$90 for the lot", she says. I look at the mess again and count no less than 4 Nintendo Entertainment Systems.

"I'll take it!"

"Oh man, I was going to go through that stuff", frowns a young male employee whom the lady asks to bag it up for me.

A fellow enthusiast.

"I'll give you $20 for one of the NESs", he says.

"Sure", I tell him, and he puts it all in a large white sack minus his newly acquired Nintendo. I sling it over my shoulder and go on my merry way, the Nintendo Sanata Claus of Smith Street.

When I get back to my flat I've sustained an injury to my right middle finger, having gashed it on the zip of my jacket when switching over sack carrying arms. That shit gets pretty heavy after walking for fifteen minutes but no time to stop to wipe it off. Got to get home and and see what's inside my sack of Nintendo.

I empty the sack and get to work. It takes about twenty minutes before I untangle everything. And damn, if it's not the best $70 I've ever spend on Nintendo wares.

2 x NES consoles with power supplies and RF modulators
1 x NES Top Loader console with power supply and RF modulator
2 x NES control pads
1 x NES Top Loader control pad
1 x NES Zapper

Games:
Super Mario Bros
Super Mario Bros 3
Metroid (score!)
Batman (bat-tastic!)
Stealth
RBI Baseball
Super Sprint

Random Junk:
1 x Commodore 64 joystick
1 x generic Commodore 64 / Sega/ old PC joystick
1 x Quickshot multi platform auto-fire arcade stick
1 x hand held car racing LCD screen game
1 x Commadore 64 (I think) Supersportic game
1 x Sega RF modulator
1 x Playstation AV cable
2 x random AV / RF cables

The big victory here is undoubtedly the NES Top Loader. I think the only time I have even seen one of these in person was at the Game On exhibition at ACMI a couple of years back. It was a limited release NES that was out in the early 90s towards the end of the NESs lifespan. It is about half the size of the regular NES and has SNES shaped controllers. I would have paid $70 for this by itself! The original Metroid game is becoming hard to find as well, and this is the first time I've owned a copy.

I'm off to the pub to celebrate.

2010-07-22T19:24:00.000+10:00

It's been pretty quiet on this blog of late, and I'll attribute that towards two things; A general lack of motivation to write and a deep desire that everything I write to be at the very least "good". The general lack of motivation to write is a by product of having a general lack of motivation to do anything. Hell, lately I can't even be bothered lying on the couch watching TV. Last week I was in bed asleep by 9:30 on four of five weeknights because I was tired and didn't feel like doing anything else. Lame.

I got some blood tests back last Thursday that go some way to providing an answer for my tiredness and lack of motivation and that is having severely low Vitamin D levels. Literally the second lowest my doctor had ever seen. Knowing that there's a medically valid reason for my slothfulness and that I now have a way out of it (as much sunlight as I can absorb and 5 Vitamin D pills a day) has already given me more energy than I've had all winter, save belting out a few songs with Fell Over at The Fall tribute night early June.

As for anxiety about my writing being shit, fuck it. At least it's better than Eleven Magazine.

2010-05-25T20:24:00.001+10:00

Tonight I played Sonic 1 for 45 minutes and got to Level 4 (Labyrinth Zone) act one before losing a life. I picked up 4 lives along the way in Green Hill Zone (lv 1) and Marble Ruin Zone (lv 2) by collecting 100 rings in 4/6 zones.

This is one of the prizes for winning, there will be more. You can change your guess only in the last 3 days before the event and only once.

Sonic Contest for Charity

2010-05-24T22:11:00.003+10:00

How long do you think it will take me to beat Sonic 1, Sonic 2, Sonic 3 and Sonic and Knuckles in a single session

I played these games 15 years ago.

I used to have Sonic 1 and I remember being OK at it. I was very excited when it was featured in Wayne's World and The Bill. In the episode of X-Files with Jack Black and the lightning dude the music to Green Hill Zone can be heard in the gaming arcade, despite the game not being present or ever released as an arcade machine.

Sonic 2 is my strength but it's been a while. I got a Mega Drive with Sonic 2 recently and went to play it with my friend Dan before he moved to Germany only to find out the 2nd controller port was fucked so we couldn't play together and chose not to play at all. I've not had much practice on it recently but learning Sonic 2 is like learning to ride a bike.

I played a lot of Sonic 3. Probably as much as Sonic 2 but I don't remember being able to beat it with as much ease and probably died a lot more. A largely unknown quantity though but I could ace it for all I know.

I never owned Sonic and Knuckles and rented it a couple of times. One time my mate Hodgy was around and we played through the entire thing right up till the last boss but we never beat it and gave up but we agreed to tell everyone at school that we beat it because we came so close but really we were FRAUUUDS.

Chilli Dog!! NOM NOM NOM NOM

Guess how long it will take me to beat these 4 games start to finish. If your guess is the nearest to the actual time you'll win a Sonic prize and a $50 donation to your charity of choice. Enter your guess at the facebook page. If you don't have facebook enter on this page.

Rules:

- Chaos emerald collection not required
- Games will be played on Xbox 360 but must be played as the originals were. That means no use of the save feature for Sonic 1 & 2 and I can only use the in game file/save on Sonic 3 and Knuckles
- No extended breaks.

My goal to beat is 12 hours. I've not practised yet and may or may not before the day. It could be a lot easier than 12 hours or a lot more difficult, I've no idea.

The event will be filmed and published on the internet.

drunk

2010-03-28T09:53:00.001+11:00

I just woke up and I'm still drunk. I can't remember leaving, I can't remember if I made an idiot of myself or not, I can't remember how I got home but I must have successfully rode my bike cause I checked and it's in the kitchen. I'm in bed and I'm just wearing a t-shirt which is unusual because usually I'm naked or wearing boxers or boxers and a T but never just the T by itself.

Once I sober up this hangover is going to be epic. I took a couple mersyndols in anticipation, like throwing a mattress under a plane about to crash. I'll have to go get more later, they were the last two. I'm thinking I might go to the city and check out JB hifi. I'm really trying to remember but the last thing I can see is being out of Canadian Club and kind hearted Dan bringing out some Jamesons. JB have a games sale on at the moment. I texted Magda and she said it was all fun and good times, but I think she left before I did. I have a strange urge to play that new Sega all stars racing game. I'll get another bottle of whiskey too. You can play as Alex Kidd riding his red bike. If you have my missing memories please leave them here.

No, really

2010-03-13T13:54:00.001+11:00

I just went to my rubbish bin to throw out some old milk that had been in the fridge for a while and as I was about to drop it in the bin the bin said:

"Discard old milk. Confirm or Cancel?"

and I said "What that fuck...uh, Confirm"

and then it said "Are you sure you wish to discard old milk? Confirm or Cancel?"

and suddenly I realised and said, "Fuck, hell no! What am I doing? No, Cancel! CANCEL!!!"

and the bin said "Cancel discarding of old milk, Confirm or Cancel?"

and I said "For the love of god Cancel!!!!"

and the bin said "Cancellation of discarding of old milk Confirmed"

and I collapsed in a sweaty heap next to the bin and said "Thank fuck for that"

Sounds Familiar: Part 1

2010-02-19T14:48:00.005+11:00

Men At Work have been screwed over because a short flute solo in their 80s hit "Down Under" is taken from "Kookaburra Sits In the Old Gumtree". I don't give a shit about Men At Work or their stupid bogan pub rock song, but the scenario is fucking ridiculous.

Anyway, this kind of thing happens all the time. Even Nirvana were guilty of taking a good riff when they heard one. While they certainly did a good job of it there's no denying that "Come As You Are" is very similar to "Eighties" by Killing Joke.

Nirvana - Come As You Are

Killing Joke - Eighties

From Wikipedia:

Wary of the similarity between "Come as You Are" and English post-punk band Killing Joke's 1984 single "Eighties", Nirvana and its management were unsure about releasing the song as the second single from Nevermind....Kurt was nervous about 'Come as You Are' because it was too similar to a Killing Joke song...but we all thought it was still the better song to go with. And, he was right, Killing Joke later did complain about it."

Although members of Killing Joke claimed the main guitar riff of "Come As You Are" plagiarized the riff of "Eighties", the band did not file a copyright infringement lawsuit, which Rolling Stone magazine attributes to "personal and financial reasons". However, conflicting reports state that Killing Joke did file a lawsuit but that it was thrown out of court, or that it was dropped following Cobain's death. Geordie Walker, Killing Joke's guitar player, said that the band was "very pissed off about that, but it's obvious to everyone. We had two separate musicologists' reports saying it was."

Green Day are contrived enough as it is when they're writing original songs, but this didn't stop them from copying The Kink's "Picture Book" for the song "Warning" from the 2000 album of the same name.

Green Day - Warning

The Kinks - Picture Book

Tim Armstrong of Rancid has made a career out of ripping off The Clash, never more obviously than the "11th Hour" from And Out Come The Wolves, which is all but a cover of "Capitol Radio" by The Clash.

Rancid - 11th Hour

The Clash - Capitol Radio

More coming soon...

HEALTHer Skelter

2010-02-15T18:50:00.022+11:00

I recently emailed John from L.A. noise rockers HEALTH and he
talked about their forthcoming Australian tour, new album Get
Color and other projects the band have on the go.

HCD: Have you finished training for your Australian tour yet?
Or do more fish and bananas need to be mercilessly slain?

JOHN: The training never stops, it makes us even more undefeated.

HEALTH prepare for battle

HCD: HEALTH to me are one of the most interesting and
original bands around at the moment. How did you guys meet
and where do you draw inspiration from?

JOHN: Not terribly interesting. Jake and Jupiter met in College.
I met Jake working at Guitar Center. BJ came from craigslist.
When it comes to our music we are inspired by music exclusively.

HCD: You released your second album, Get Color last year.
What's the response been like? What have you been doing between
then and now?

JOHN: The live response has been amazing. I felt the Get Color
tours were our best by far. Since those tours have ended we have
been laying low in LA and working on DISCO2 the next remix album.

HCD: Get Color has lots of dirty electronic sounds. What do you
use to get those sounds? Is it something that posed a challenge to
re-created live?

JOHN: Everything on the album is more or less created live.
It's all our equipment. No samples.

HCD: You recorded the first album in an LA venue called The Smell.
How did you record Get Color and what were the differences in the
recording process of the two albums?

JOHN: Get Color was recorded in a very modest studio in Lincoln
Heights on analogue tape. The first album was self recorded and
fraught with technical nightmares, the new album was easier but
featured way less in studio experimentation...We'd like to balance
the two for the next one.

The scintillating "Die Slow" from Get Color

HCD: What do you think of being generally classified as a “noise rock”
band?

JOHN: I like that label. To me Noise Rock is as much My Bloody
Valentine as it is Arab On Radar.

HCD: 66 sweepstakes tickets were hidden in copies of Get Color,
fetching bizarre and creative prizes. Did any interesting stories come
from this? I’m thinking things like:

INTOXICATED VIDEO CHAT + ARTS AND CRAFTS TIME

JOHN: No one has reported winning this ticket!!

SINGING AN LP IN BLOOD

JOHN: This one too! So we're just going to sign the poster winners
in blood to make up for it.

A RECORDING OF BJ COVERING A 90'S SONG OF YOUR CHOOSING

JOHN: This is one is going down. The guy hasn't chosen a song yet.

WE CONFERENCE CRANK CALL A PROMINENT INDIE MUSICIAN TOGETHER

JOHN: This one is also going down soon. We wanted to videotape
it or something for youtube. Sorry not a lot of stories yet. Most of the
tickets are just being filled now. We should have entertaining ones up
soon on our youtube channel.

HCD: A lot of bands seem to be struggling at the moment because
the audience can download everything for free. Are album sales
enough to sustain HEALTH?

JOHN: Absolutely not. Live shows and merchandise put food on the table...

HCD: You're planning a HEALTH clothing line with one of a kind pieces.
Can you tell us more about this?

JOHN: Trying to figure out feasibility and cost issues right now.
What the designers need, trying to have the clothes not be too expensive.
We'd like them to be reasonably priced.

HCD: You're also planning a TV show called HEALTHvision. Is the hilarious
Australian tour promo a taste of things to come?

JOHN: The Aussie video was super low budget etc. The TV show is
definitely going to be shot on a HD format of some kind, with lights, etc.
Production value. We want it to be a high level of quality.

HCD: What can Australian Audiences expect from HEALTH?

JOHN: Volume. Come to the show.

HCD: Is there anything you guys are looking forward to doing here
besides playing shows?

JOHN: Yes. We've always wanted to go for a very long time. The beach
is our first priority. I wanna swim with dolphins and in those rock swimming
pools you got... Also we've been hearing Melbourne is a super awesome city.

HEALTH AUSTRALIAN TOUR 2010
(Courtesy of Pop Frenzy)

Wednesday February 24 MELBOURNE – Corner Hotel | Tickets available from www.cornerhotel.com

Thursday February 25 BRISBANE – The Step Inn | Tickets available from www.oztix.com.au

Friday February 26 SYDNEY – Oxford Art Factory | Tickets available from www.moshtix.com.au

Saturday February 27 PERTH – Perth Festival | Tickets on sale from www.perthfestival.com

Note: This is the unedited version of the interview originally done for Spook Magazine. You can read the abridged version on their website here. Image stolen from Pitchfork.

Vinyl Nerd

2010-02-07T18:49:00.028+11:00

Today Yah Yah's hosted their Crate Digger Record Fair. I rode my bike down Smith St and arrived five minutes after it opened at 2pm and the place was already packed. Lining up to look at crates of records was like joining a cue at a very busy bar to get a drink but a lot slower because it takes the bartender 5-10 minutes to get each person a drink.

Patience though, unlike listening to a Mars Volta LP, was justly rewarded.

The first hit was Rapeman's "Two Nuns and a Pack Mule". Rapeman was a late 80s noise rock band with Steve Albini (Big Black, Shellac) and David Sims (The Jesus Lizard, Scratch Acid). Features the smash hit "Kim Gordon's Panties".

The Sonics - Psycho a Go-Go

Every time I check my last.fm account it tells me "Swell Maps, music recommended by Last.fm. Similar to: The Fall, Mission of Burma, Public Image Ltd." I assume this will be good.

Q and Not U - Hooray For Humans

As far as I'm aware Swans vinyl is fairly difficult to find - I'm always on the lookout, I've never seen any before. This is the kind of thing that I really hoped to find at the fair but never actually expected to. Holy Money is a disturbing proto-industrial record, evil to the core. Swans - A Screw

It's a $3 Mystery Shit Bag. 6 randomly selected old pieces of shit records wrapped in newspaper, with the off chance you might get something decent. How could I resist?

I don't know what was in the other shit bags but this turned out to be the bargain of the day. The Best of Nielson is amazing. There's also a brilliant 2LP 50s compilation in there and an interesting instrumental drum fuelled big beat/rock/surf album by Sandy Nelson LP called ''Drums and More Drums!". The cover features a go-go girl surrounded by drums so naturally it is my new favourite image.

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy actually came from the Camberwell Markets a couple of weeks ago but demanded a mention.

Behind the Scenes: Sarina Russo

2010-01-22T13:28:00.021+11:00

Sarina Russo is a well known self-made Australian businesswoman and entrepreneur. She founded and is current Managing Director of the Sarina Russo Group. The SRG comprises of eight businesses (mostly concerned with job recruitment and private education), six of which contain her name in their title.

Employees of the Sarina Russo Group have access to exclusive Sarina Russo computer wallpapers, updated daily.

"Sarina feels Keri Craig outfits reflect her mood and personality - obviously bright and sparkling. Her lamé dress is $499." - Portfolio Magazine, December 1986.

To inspire the troops in 2010:

With the right attitude victory will be yours.

"From: Sarina Russo
Sent: Thursday, 24 December 2009 12:20 AM
To: All Staff
Subject: From sarina's desk - 2009 - my version

Hi
I am up in the clouds across the pacific ocean sitting in row 3 and
behind me sleeping in Row 4 - yes!!! The one and only Hugh Grant!
Normally, I would find it offensive for any passenger with extremely
protruding long legs and hence feet to be virtually in my head space -
but not this time!!! Funny ha how one can see life and be more accepting
of things that either amuse you, challenge you or just make u feel truly privileged!

So lying with sleep deprivation,but totally distracted I write to you
as my last " from sarina's desk" and reflect on our 30th year!!
reflection as a Leader, a daughter, an aunt, a neice, a friend?
Questions I ask myself? How did I influence and inspire others to do
do more and become more this year? Did I provoke positive thoughts and
actions? Did we get any wake up calls to never compromise and be too
content? Did we raise standards higher than last year? Did we stand
tall? Did we voice our thoughts and become accountable and responsible?
Was I transparent to my team? Did I show clarity and direction at times
of need! Did I show urgency ? Did I tap my full potential? Did I
demonstrate strength and resilience? Did I challenge the status quo? Did
I communicate strongly and frequently? Did I? Did I? Did we? Did we?

I dozed off with a sleeping tablet!

Rested! I wake up after 7 hours of sleep - - I turn around? Did I have
just a dream? - But - its reality - Hugh Grant is still behind me
having breakfast and watching every movie - perhaps there is a new movie
that has just been released that he is the main star and I am yet to
find out!!! As I am a news addict! And a big fan of Larry King!"

And on Sarina continues.

"How do relect this year? Our courage, my leadership this year?
Ultimately - u are the judge! U are my inspiration!"

"I keep staff I have never recruited? Yip! And we did it and now you are our rock stars -
integrated into our culture and soaring with eagles!"

"We salute you and sing - alielilu!!!! Merry xmas and a happy new year!
Luv ya! Ciao for now and I will see u at the top in 2010!!!!!
Happy new year! Yes I am still in the clouds! I braved myself to
introduce myself to Hughes and "opened my conversation to say that Alan
Rickman is a personal friend - I handed over my new business card. - he
accepted it with our uk head office address: he will see "Coventry"" -
girls u must answer every phone call - u could have hugh grant asking to
want to speak to me!!! Can u hear the phone ringing!!! Its for me!!!!
"Four weddings and no funerals"!"

The Tote is Fucking Dead

2010-01-19T22:30:00.012+11:00

I don't have anything else to say about the The Tote's closure that hasn't already been said here and here and here and here.

Suffice to say I'm appalled that the government's restrictive liquor licensing laws are targeting not only the shitty big city nightclubs for which they were intended to curb violence, but small community based live music venues who have never had any major incidents of violence and can't afford to stay in business with the new fees. Hell, even the POLICE voiced their support for The Tote. It makes me angry. Right now I am transforming into a hulking green beast. The support for the venue and the rallying of the Melbourne music community and even the mainstream media has been heartening though and hopefully we can collectively quash these laws before our music scene goes to complete shit.

So many amazing memories.

- Seeing The Black Lips play then after the show having the bass player, pupils the size of saucepan lids, chase my friend Dan around the venue waving his fingers at him as though he were a wizard casting spells.

- Going on stage to play maracas with Shooting At Unarmed Men for a last song, ending with Jon Chapple handing me his guitar to clang out some noise as he disappeared off stage for a beer.

- Taking pingers on an empty Monday night with a beautiful blonde lady whom I'd only recently met and having the best fucking Monday night of all time. Work the next day.

- Spending an afternoon alone listening to Slint's "Spiderland" in its entirety on the jukebox.

- Dan cooking sausages extremely slowly on the beer garden B.B.Q. Cassie telling him to turn it up and him telling her it was fine and didn't need turning up thank you very much.

- Yase renting the upstairs Cobra Bar for her 30th birthday, someone buying me a shot of tequila near at the end of the night and having to run to the toilets to have a massive spew.

- Yase being refused entry to see Valentiine at the the Public Bar for not having I.D., the band having played the week before at her 30th. The solution? "Let's go to the fucking Tote!"

- Seeing a drummer and guitarist (Digger and the Pussycats?) play in the front bar on the pool table shorty after midnight on New Year's Eve.

- Watching the Japanese re-incarnation of Jimi Henrix himself, the Yura Yura Teikoku vocalist/lead guitarist, shred like a mother fucker and almost bring the place crashing to the ground.

- Moving to Collingwood and living a five minute walk from The Tote.

- A sweaty, bald headed, tribal painted nutcase from Vampillia stage diving directly into me and one other guy. The subsequent stumble trying to hold him aloft while being wrapped in and tripping over the microphone lead.

- Seeing My Disco play two consecutive nights and jizzing my pants over it.

- Hanging out with Captyn and randomly seeing and being amazed by East Brunswick All Girls Choir.

- Someone playing mclusky's "Alan is a Cowboy Killer" on the jukebox and singing word for word with a bunch of mates before ducking outside to two thousand people on the street protesting the closure last Sudany.

- Watching Eddy Current Suppression Ring yesterday play to 50 people at 1:30 in the afternoon.

Those are a few that I can remember. Over the years I've had great times with most of my good friends there. The Tote is a venue that has so much character that it cannot be replaced by another building somewhere else. Rest In Noise.

Mixed Tapes For The People

2010-01-15T13:40:00.018+11:00

It's the mix tape version of the last post - 18 songs from the top 18 artists I've listened to at work in the past year as tracked by last.fm. Something to listen to on your iPod as you peruse the supermarket fridges for fish fingers. Or burn it to CD and give it to your neighbours as a gift and reminder of the importance of community spirit. Extra B-sides and rarities to make things interesting.

You'll need to use Winrar or Winzip or a hammer to decompress the file and extract the fleshy mp3s inside.

Insect or Spider? - A Mix Tape - Download

01. The Pixies - Wild Honey Pie
The Pixies tear us all a new one with their live at the BBC re-interpretation of this Beatles track.

02. HEALTH - Die Slow
I can't listen to this song enough. From new album "Get Color". HEALTH ARE NOT AFRAID OF YOU. YOU WILL LOVE EACH OTHER.

03. The Cramps - Goo Goo Muck
This one goes out to all you Hawiian-beach-faring, pina-colada-sipping zombies. From "Bad Music for Bad People".

04. The Fall - Leave The Capitol
One of their more upbeat moments with classic Mark E Smith delivery, from the revered 1981 "Slates" EP.

05. mclusky - Bipolar Bears Take Seattle
A creeper with chanting from the "mcluskyism" C-Sides disc.

06. Thee Oh Sees - Ghost in the Trees
"I'll make you call/from behind the waterfall". Is this what John Dwyer is singing? I can never understand what the fuck he's saying but it always sounds great. From album "His Master's Bedroom Is Worth Spending a Night In".

07. Future of the Left - March of the Coupon Saints
B-Side from the "Adeadenemyalwayssmellsgood" seven inch single.

08. The Beatles - Rocky Raccoon
Paul McCartney may have turned into a cunt these days but damn he knew how to write a fine tune back when. From "White Album".

09. The Flaming Lips - I'm a Fly in a Sunbeam
Some people have favourite driving songs, this is my favourite flying your space ship into Cloud City at the break of dawn song. From the "Ego Tripping At The Gates of Hell" EP.

10. Beach House - Gila
I'm glad we live in a world where a musical genre called "dream pop" can exist. It makes it easier to sleep at night. From their sophomore album "Devotion".

11. The Horrors - Mirror's Image
We all had doubts about The Horrors but then they released "Primary Colours" last year and wiped that smirk off all our faces.

12. Pavement - The Classical
Laid back version of The Fall's obliterating original, from the "Brighten The Corners" re-issue bonus disc.

13. The Kinks - Wicked Annabelle
Twisted tale of a witch and her demon minions from the 60s classic "We Are The Village Green Preservation Society"

14. My Disco - Pale
Dance dischord dance discord repeat. From debut album "Cancer".

15. My Bloody Valentine - Only Shallow
Crashing opener from the leaked "Loveless" remaster. Originally due for release in 2007, it's yet to see the light of day because Kevin Shields still has to finish writing the liner notes.

16. Boris - Electric
Stoner doomers go Motorhead in the special way that only the Japanese can. From the flawless "Pink" album.

17. Tom Waits - Way Down In The Hole
Tom has a knack for taking not a lot and doing a whole lot with it. The producers of "The Wire" liked it so much they made it their theme song. Originally appeared on "Frank's Wild Years".

18. ROME - Les Savy Fav
Is that a Whistle Pop I can hear? I think it is! Skewered closer to the EP of the same name.

Dealing with the big issues

2010-01-13T15:39:00.007+11:00

I enjoy statistics.

I stare into space and wonder things like "how many litres of alcohol have I consumed in the past five years?" and "how many people have stepped in this exact spot on the footpath?" and "how many microscopic skin devouring bugs are on me right at this moment?"

Sadly these questions will forever remain unanswered (let me know if you find out). Fortunately though, I can answer the question "How many songs did I listen to while sitting at my desk at work in the last twelve months or so?" and its 10,344.

Subtracting weekends and leave, this works out at roughly 45 songs per day. While initially disappointed by the result I have to take into account that a good portion of time is spent listening to talk back radio. Then there's lunch and smoke breaks and the data doesn't take into account streamed songs so all up it's not a bad average. I'm hoping to push it above 55 by the end of 2010 so then I'll have a better average than Ricky Ponting.

Here are the Top 18 (click to enlarge):

Movie Review: Finding Nemo

2010-01-11T22:35:00.005+11:00

Finding Nemo is a movie that stars two orange fish as the lead characters and various others as supporting cast. It tells the tale of the larger of the two fish (Franko Beans) hitch hiking his way from Cairns to Sydney in an effort to “find” his beloved friend “Nemo” (hence the title of the film), who is trapped in a glass cage of fish domination. It was a poor decision on the part of the producers to star two almost identical fish in both lead roles. It is frequently easy to mistake one for the other during crucial plot points; the one identifying factor between the two fish ,size, is rendered obsolete due to a) an inherent lack of sense of scale in bodies of water and b) depending on how close the camera is to the fish the small fish will often appear larger and the large fish smaller. In one scene the smaller fish (Nemo) seems to spontaneously teleport out of the glass cage and into the stomach of a whale, teamed up at this point with none other than “Blue Lesbian McGee”, who just so happens to be Franko Beans' usual cohort. WTF?! Plot inconsistencies such as this are absurd to the point of insulting. Did the writers actually think that anyone would buy this nonsense

To add injury to insult, the film is also clearly racist and paints a not too subtle picture of a future world where Neo Aryan supremacy reigns supreme. The “reef fish” are a bright, beautiful and intelligent species who live in a perfect utopia surrounded by others as pretty and smart as they. Meanwhile, the fish outside this sanctuary are depicted as drab, identical mindless drones devoid of individuality or intelligence. During the climactic finale Lesbian McGee is caught in a net and about to be pulled in for the slaughter with thousands of sea bass. “But we have to save her!” cries Nemo, with NO mention of the THOUSANDS of other fish about to be REVERSE ASPHYXIATED. NAZI! To save his fellow Nazi, Nemo TEACHES the STUPID BASS how to SWIM DOWNWARDS in order to BREAK THE FUCKING NET. This film is a travesty on too many levels, minus all stars.

Picking at Toenails

2010-01-11T21:08:00.006+11:00

I spend so much time sitting around staring at walls and watching questionable television and not cooking myself dinner tonight because it's too fucking hot that I might as well do something (more) useful like process my muddled brain waves into text for the benefit of you but mainly me.

Fortunately I had half a chocolate cake in the fridge that my neighbours gave me about a week ago and it's fine, so I ate that instead. It was still fine and went down a real treat. So blog has received a sugar fuelled makeover and general re-activation. Last post was in May '09.

Sometimes I'll procrastinate by re-arranging my CDs in alphabetical order and making sure every disc is in every correct case, but I'm not going to do that tonight because I did it last week. Earlier I stood in front of the bathroom mirror examining my hairy chest for blackheads to squeeze out. Just now I left this text box for about ten minutes to refresh ABC News, The Age, Pitchfork Media and the Bureau of Meteorology websites in case something new had appeared that wasn't there when I last checked twenty minutes ago.

Life can be much more than this. Last night for instance, I ate a fish eye. A hardened white ball that gave the chomping sensation of biting into a small gum nut, with a big lump of yellowish translucent jelly dangling from the bottom. I chewed it up and let the pungent juices flow through my mouth and over my tongue and afterwards sucked at the hard bits that got stuck between my molars.

Waiter, bring me a bowl of fish eyes.

:)

2009-05-08T16:34:00.012+10:00

What if I want to type a colon

":"

next to a closed bracket

")"

to imply grammatical meaning?
or just for the hell of it?

":)"

maybe I'm smiling
but it could mean anything.
like I invented my own punctuation based language of hieroglyphs and the colon represents the orbital relationship between Earth and Mars and the closed bracket represents a blade of grass bending in the breeze.
Or a sideways two-person parachute.

So, to clear things up:

:) (smiling)

:) (something other than smiling)

Top 5 Ways to Fight Depression

2009-05-05T11:52:00.002+10:00

OK, so this is a really old piece I wrote over a year ago, but I'm going to give it another airing on the new blog.

5. Adam Sandler films. Adam Sandler is hilarious. Really. Especially when he gets angry. HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAAHAAA. LOOK HIS GOLF BALL WONT GO IN THE HOLE!! BWAAHAAA!! Thank christ he isn’t dead yet so he can continue to make more quality films to cheer me up.

4. Happy Meals. Happy meat in a happy bun with happy potato dipped in happy boiling oil in a happy as fuck box. Take the depression of inhumanely farmed cattle and small children working in third world plastic toy factories and feed on their souls for pleasure. I recently replaced my wallet with a Happy Meal.

3. Crocs. My black Dunlop Volleys were really getting me down so I traded them in for a pair of bright rubber oversized clown sandals so that every time I feel down and stare at my feet I end up laughing at how stupidly ridiculous they look.

2. Merry-go-rounds. Round and round and round, I’m riding a horsey and look! There’s a hippo! And the lights are flashing and the carnival music is playing and balloons are over there but now I’m over here and there’s someone’s dog and there’s an inflatable giraffe and now I’m over there but not any more oh dear god I’m having so much fun!

1. Chicken Soup for the Soul. “It’s like homemade chicken soup that warms the chill and heals the ill…based on the belief that true testimonies of goodness and loving transformations can nourish us to the bone and heal the cynicism in our hearts. It’s hard not to shed a tear of gratitude, feeling thrilled to have been touched and soothed so easily.” (amazon.com) If only Ian Curtis had read this book, Joy Division would still be together touring their seminal album “Joy Division for the Soul” live at Christian motivational camps. What a pity.

New Future of the Left stuff

2009-04-29T15:35:00.004+10:00

I downloaded the new Future of the Left album (Travels With Myself And Another) and I will be buying it once it comes out in June. Download some of the songs plus some old ones in a free live radio session they did for SXSW. Sound quality is excellent, comparible to a Peel Session. Go here: http://woxy.com/blog/2009/04/03/sxsw-2009-session-recap-future-of-the-left/

EP Review: Death Cab For Cutie

2009-04-17T13:11:00.004+10:00

Death Cab For Cutie
The Open Door EP
Atlantic/Barsuk, 2009

Reviewing a Death Cab For Cutie release is a largely superfluous exercise. By now most of us know what to expect from the band; before listening to this EP I accurately foresaw that it would hold no surprises nor change any of my pre-formed opinions. Not for lack of wanting it to, I was right because they’re not an unpredictable band. Not so long ago I worked a retail job in a position that allowed complete control over the in-store music. It was a malevolent regime and I ruled with a spiked iron fist, though occasionally I'd allow my plebeian colleges the privilege of music selection. Panic at the Disco never lasted more than a couple of songs but I'd put up with an album's worth of Death Cab For Cutie for my underlings because they were cool guys and Death Cab were far more tolerable than the alternatives. The Open Door EP is even more tolerable than their albums because it only contains five songs. Four of these didn't make it on to the last album but come from the same recording sessions as Narrow Stairs, then there's an acoustic demo tacked onto the end. It's the same wishy washy emo-indie soundtrack to the teenage protagonist of an American television drama series having a bedroom crisis as the rest of their output, but it’s worth noting that Death Cab are better at this shtick than their peers. Make of that what you will.

Album Review: Condo Fucks

2009-04-15T14:39:00.002+10:00

Condo Fucks
Fuckbook
Matador, 2009

What's a band to do once they've released consistently great albums for a quarter of a century, gained a sizable global following, collaborated with the likes of Kevin Shields and Yoko Ono, had their name etched into the pantheon of indie rock legend and continue to evolve their sound through experimentation and finely tuned craftsmanship? If you're Yo La Tengo the answer is to rename yourselves Condo Fucks, create a laughable false history and back-catalogue (See: Condo Fucks City Rockers) and release a ramshackle garage punk album of sixties pop covers. That it’s sonically far removed from any of the band's previous output matters not; Condo Fucks should be considered an entirely different entity. Recorded live in a single take, Fuckbook barrels through thirty three minutes of lo-fidelity joy, taking songs from a golden era in popular music and grinding them through a filter of filthy distortion and dirty feedback. “What'cha Gonna Do About It?”, holler the Fucks in an opening cry of defiance as they begin proceedings by out Hiving The Hives with a Small Faces classic before ripping through hits by The Kinks, The Beach Boys, The Troggs, Richard Hell and The Flamin' Groovies, nary a care about scratching everything up along the way. Its frequently messy, the vocals often inaudible and the drums could do with more volume, but it’s the spontaneous nature of the recording that also delivers much of its charm. At its pulsating core Fuckbook captures a group of accomplished musicians taking a break from their art to have a roaring great time tearing through a bunch of their favourite songs. Everybody wins.

A Trip to the EEC

2009-04-07T18:20:00.026+10:00

This morning I'm at the Electoral Enrolment Commission. I'm there to find people's addresses.

Most places - banks, electricity companies, Reader's Digest magazine, the Victoria's Secret catalogue, they leave it up to you to change your address, because that's your responsibility. They're not going to put time and money into chasing up your tardiness. Well, that's not how we operate. We track you down. We will find you by any means necessary. We will hunt you down mercilessly, and once in our sights will fire at you an arrow marked "our records show that your current residential address is not up to date". A trip to the EEC is the last step in this process, before we set the hounds onto your trail with the scent of the last piece of mail we received from you. We're not chasing debt. We just want to make sure you receive our correspondence. Here's what happens.

We'll send a mail out to our members and a portion of the letters will come back marked "return to sender/not at this address". I'll go through the profiles of these members on the database and mark their addresses as "unknown". Then I'll send out a round of e-mails. Individual e-mails to each member, because if you send one e-mail to multiple recipients there's a high chance that a spam filter will intercept it before it reaches the intended target. About half the e-mails will result in a positive response. If you don't reply to the e-mail I'll then call your mobile, followed by your home number and work number. If unsuccessful I'll send a letter to your work. If you don't respond I'll repeat the process in a week. By this stage we're looking at about 85% of previously unknown residential addresses updated successfully. But there's still that evasive 15% that manages to slip through our dragnet, so we're not done with you yet.

This is why I'm soaking wet and standing outside the Electoral Enrolment Commission on Lonsdale Street at ten to nine, smoking a cigarette and looking at my reflection in the glass door, attempting to re-style my hair into what it was before I walked outside this morning, which thankfully isn't too difficult considering my style is 'just got out of bed'. 'Just got out of the shower' will do.

The Department of Immigration is right next door and there's a long line of immigrants hailing from all parts nervously clutching folders and their young children's hands. Some will be given the right to stay and some will have to return to their poverty filled traps once their current Visas expire. Some will stay illegally, they'll work a shitty job for half the minimum wage and live in dirty cramped conditions that still immeasurably exceed anything they'd otherwise face in their countries of origin. That guy there, maybe he's going to be victim to a racially motivated beating, burned by the bubbling surface of a cultural melting pot on a stove left on the highest setting for too long. Every single one of these desperate souls has a story to tell, but I don't bother asking, its none of my business and I don't feel like talking to them and they don't feel like talking to me. I wish them all the best.

There's one other person standing outside the EEC, he's a funny looking dude with a worn face and medium length faded blonde hair with regrowth revealing it was bleached months ago and is long overdue for a touch up. Or maybe his style is "ratty". He's wearing baggy tan coloured draw string pants and an over sized black and white vertically striped jersey with the number 45 on the back. I recognise it as Michael Jordan's jersey from when he stopped playing basketball and failed miserably at playing baseball. Its a metaphor for this guy, except for the Michael Jordon and baseball and basketball parts. I momentarily catch my reflection again and am reassured by how much more stylish I appear than this fellow, then immediately curse myself for being such a wanker. Deep down though, I'm happy to be of a higher socio-economical background than he is. I secretly revel in being one up on the only other guy waiting to get into the EEC at 9am on a rainy Tuesday morning.

The EEC have three computers set up where you can search for anyone's name, anyone in the entire country, and if they're enrolled to vote you can find their home address. Given that its some sort of offence to be over eighteen and not enrolled to vote, the list contains pretty much everyone. You can't access this database online, you can only use it right here in the EEC building, but anyone can use it. It is much more comprehensive than the white pages and there is no hiding under maiden names. You can request to not be publicly listed but you have to do so in writing or person, and who the fuck thinks of doing that? Hell, I didn't even know this database existed until I got this job. How many people have abused this system and to what means? I make a mental note to get myself taken off the list while I'm here, but by the time I leave I've already forgotten to do this.

I finish my cigarette and the place is open. I'm waiting here for Greg, the middle aged creep/membership co-ordinater who's supposed to be meeting me here with the list of members whose addresses we're trying to track down so we can continue to send them important correspondence. I take a seat across from Michael Jordan who is already seated at a computer. From his bag he takes a large red hard cover book titled "AFL Legends", he opens it and starts searching the EEC name and address database. He's got a Seven Eleven branded bottle of chocolate milk on the desk next to the book and he's writing something onto a piece of scrap paper. There's no one at the front desk, no Greg to be seen so I start reading a bit more of "Brave New World". Mustapha Mond makes a good case for the existence of an eternally happy society at the expense of truth and art and scientific progress. Things seem to be working quite well for them without the influence of passion and emotion but The Savage won't have a bar of it. Hermholtz is looking forward to being banished to an island of free thinkers and poor Bernard Marx was put into a Soma gas induced sleep by the police at the start of the chapter because he wouldn't stop wailing.

Its 10:30 and Greg still hasn't arrived. The rain outside is falling horizontal and the people on the street are shielding their faces with plastic binders. I call work but he's not there either. He may be sitting in his car on the side of a road somewhere reading the newspaper. Every morning Kath gets in at about 9:30 and she tells me there's Greg again downstairs, sitting in the car park in his car, head buried in "The Herald Sun". He never acknowledges her, he just sits there head down and comes into the office about an hour later. Michael Jordan is still at the EEC computer with his book, turning the occasional page, scribbling down more football player's addresses. He's well into the chocolate milk and I may have to appear as a witness to something in a court of law yet. At best he's a rabid autograph hound, at worst an obsessive psychotic murderer.

A plump lady with short grey hair has appeared at the counter so I decide to fill out a form to change my electoral enrolment address. An ageing government bureaucrat who's been working for the public service for decades, she has a warm smile and started down this path because she not only wanted a stable job but felt a genuine need to contribute to the greater good of society, that's her view anyway not mine. Well that's the vibe I get from her. She didn't actually tell me that. In any case its a nice change from the usual vultures and Vogons, she reminds me of my Aunt Beatrice if she'd been a bureaucrat instead of thinking she was a white wizard. Once this form is processed I'll probably get a fine for not voting in the last local council elections, but you can't run from these people forever. And the longer you spend running, the more of your own tax dollars are invested into finding you. I'll just tell them I was deep in the tropical jungles of Laos at the time.

Still no Greg so I take a walk. From Seven Eleven I buy a pouch of Champion Ruby tobacco. "Blue or yellow?" asks the girl. "Yellow", I tell her, but she's pretty intent on giving me blue. "No, yellow" I tell her again, and she glares at me as if I'm trying to fuck with her head and mutters something to herself and swaps it for the yellow pouch. I buy a coffee from a nearby cafe and light another cigarette, the rain has cleared into a fine falling mist. By ten to eleven I'm back at the EEC and Michael Jordan is still there, his scrap of paper now covered in biro scrawlings and his chocolate milk empty. It's been a productive morning for him, not so much for me. With Greg still nowhere to be seen I make the decision to cut my losses and head for the train station, shoes squelching in time as I tread the fresh morning pavement.

The Day The Internet Exploded

2009-03-25T13:23:00.001+11:00

broken hyper links
shatter monitors
like shards of paint through shuttle windows in the vacuum of space
banner advertisements
implanted in heads
they say 'hit the monkey!'
they say 'find ur crush!'
fragments of pornography
penetrate flesh and bone
mid orgasm
while dear old nan
cops an e-mail like a freight train
“have a happy healthy sixty eighth”
as it derails through her face